Dream, Baby December 2, 2008

I found my camera today! I had left it at school. So now I can take pictures of the delicious puppy goodness! But I cannot put them on my blog, no, because I still can’t find that cable thing that connects the camera to the computer. Because it is somewhere in the office stuff, and I’m not really doing the office, Joey is. Until the advent of our SECOND child (as in, the one after this one. We have to have at least two, but really we want more. We think. Hypothetically.) the office is a Man Room. Joey was disappointed that the family room is the family room, and not a Man Room, so this makes it a little better. Mostly because I am generous and compromising like that, but partially because there are some serious wallpaper problems with the office room, and I don’t want to deal with them. But anyway, yes, no pictures on the computer.

And that is sad, because being cute and photogenic are nearly the only things McLovin has going for her these days. I hate to complain about her, because there is that nagging voice in my head that keeps reminding me how much more challenging a HUMAN BABY will be, and also that you can’t put those in handy wire kennels when they get out of hand, so I should get over it. But I know a lot more about training a child than I do about training a puppy, honestly. A degree in Early Childhood Education does not a good parent make, but I bet it helps a little. Or else, I will become much more sympathetic when interacting with parents.

 

I’m still having so much anxiety about the prospect of parenting. Not labor, because I already KNOW that it is going to hurt, particularly without medication, so there’s no point dwelling on it. Probably I can make the exact same statement about parenting and be pretty accurate! But I am still anxious. Last night I dreamed that Joey and I were balancing baby care and summer school teaching schedules, but it was all too abstract for me to really focus on. I have no concept of how teaching and mothering are going to coexist, and neither does my subconscious. I guess I’ll have to let God handle it, or something crazy like that.

 

I WOULD like to have a nice, concrete dream about Ariel, though. The only one I have had, she was a very small fetus who had no business being outside my womb. Which I was calmly pointing out to her in the dream. It was very distressing. I would really love to have a dream where she is a yummy, full-term, properly birthed baby, where I can SEE her. Kanga has. Actually, Kanga had quite the dream encounter with my Ariel.

Before Joey and I started dating, around three years ago, Kanga had just started chemotherapy treatments for her second battle with breast cancer. She’d had it before when she was very young… 28 or somewhere around there, I think. And she was worried that she would die this time, as was everyone else. Then one night she had a very vivid, realdream where she was sitting at her table, holding her chubby baby granddaughter on her lap. The baby had curly blonde hair, and was wearing pink overalls, and Kanga knew that God was telling her that she would live to see her granddaughter. When she woke up, she knew that she was going to beat breast cancer again, and she did. She also knew that Ariel was going to be a girl, even though my vote was for boy. And so I have to buy some little pink overalls for my dream baby. Who is already starting out life with some seriously positive energy! Now if her MOTHER could just let go of her fears…