Excuses, Gallows Humor, and Vermin, Oh My! October 26, 2008

OMG has it really been a MONTH since I’ve written in this blog??? It has. I lose. This has been one of those months, and this blog has been one of my personal indulgences that has been set aside in deference. Because it was either blogging or brushing my teeth, and I’m actually kind of obsessive about my teeth, what with the anxiety-ridden teeth falling out dreams, and the weirdo bleeding gums of pregnancy, and I think I have cavities cause it HURTS to chew anything remotely sweet. So yeah, I didn’t pick blogging. And I will now give you my reasons in bullet points (but I still feel like a jerk, especially if you have commented, because this blog is a lonely, nerdy new girl in the highschool of blogging, and…yeah. I’m a jerk. With minty clean breath.)

• Unexpected and out-of-state death in Joey’s family
• Emergency visit to midwife DURING SCHOOL HOURS
• We are moving
• On the first of November
• Into a  house which needs much cleaning and painting and such
• School reports are due soon
• We still have, you know, classes to teach
• Also, I’m pregnant
• And there are many school activities beyond the realm of school hours.
• Not to mention all those pesky things for basic survival like grocery shopping and paying bills
• And we stupidly rented the first season of Lost, so that MUST be viewed at all possible spare moments.

 

For the more adventurous reader, I will now elaborate:

Item Number One: Joey’s aunt died very suddenly and unexpectedly, riding her bike like she does every day. She wasn’t hit by a car, she just… fell. No one really knows how or why exactly. She fell and hit her head, and went into a coma. It feels like the horribleness of this is compounded by the randomness of it. I don’t mean random in a flippant ‘that’s so random’ kind of way. I mean it seems truly senesless and unpredictable, and that is frightening. When Joey’s mother called and was telling him, I knew from his face and voice that something bad had happened. My mind went immediately to the very young and the very old of his family, the people you think to worry about. Not the strong and tireless aunt who took care of everyone and went about her business with what always struck me as a very practical affection.

So we’ve had some weeks of clinging to each other very closely. Because even though we know nothing is REALLY senseless and random, that there is a pattern and a purpose to all things, we were very forcefully reminded that the pattern is invisible, and we have no concept of what it may actually be.

We drove up and spent the weekend with his family, not as much time as we would have liked. And I cried the whole time, even though I didn’t know her terribly well. But no one was unkind enough to point that out to me because I am pregnant and can cry whenever I want. I did like her, very much, but the majority of my tears were for her husband. I can think of nothing worse than to be in his place. And for my husband and immediate family-in-law, because it hurt to see the people I love so sad and bewildered.

However, humor we have with us always. I was horrified, but relieved that the rest of the family found this as morbidly funny as I did. The poor, very, very, very old minister who was supposed to be delivering an “Inspirational Message” at the memorial service started off with: “We have to accept the fact that she is dead. D-E-A-D dead. And when someone dies, they don’t come back. They’re gone.” I thought he might be building to a point, but it was actually all downhill from there. It was awful. But educational. None of us will ever forget how to spell ‘dead’. He went on to eulogize his own dear wife, who had died recently, to discuss conjugal relations with said wife that NO ONE wanted to think about, La La LA, to spend twenty minutes reciting and explaining the poem “Oh Captain, My Captain”, and said repeatedly that he was all done, that he had been trained to ‘get up, speak up, and shut up’ when preaching. No one could be mad at him – he obviously did mean for it to be inspirational- and it was entirely too ludicrous to get upset about anyway. The family had spent two hours remembering her well and fully, and so it seemed like the only thing left to do was turn this into a kind of dark family joke.

 

Item Number Two: THE BABY IS FINE. Just to get that cleared up. The day we found out that Joey’s aunt had was not going to come out of her coma, I had a bit of cramping and bleeding, and also felt very light-headed and hot. The school nurse suggested I call my midwife, who very responsibily bullied me into coming to the office. Only, it was a school day! And I don’t like to leave my class! And surely it could wait till school let out! She was not convinced. This stress, added to being upset over Joey’s aunt, led to me sobbing dramatically in the girl’s bathroom, which is not at all private, and I HATE, LOATHE, DESPISE making big dramatic scenes and upsetting people, WRITHE A LITTLE IN MY SOUL when I think about it, actually. But everyone was very, very kind to me, and I went to the midwife, and everything was FINE and it hasn’t happened since, and my class did not self-destruct with me gone for a few hours out of the day.

 

Item Number Three:

Joey’s great-grandmother moved herself into assisted living (which, for all the world, reminds me of the very upscale dorms at my college. Hopefully without the streaking) and we are renting her house. A sweet, old house in a quite and established neighborhood full of mamoth trees and other sweet old houses. Joey’s great-grandparents lived there for longer than he’s been alive, and he has tons of memories there, which makes it very cool to be bringing the next generation into it. Later I will write a very sentimental, hormonal post about this, but for now I am focused on the cleaning and painting and such. Because:

 

Beneath this dated wall paper and delicious potential lies THIS:

 

Am I the only one who hears shrieking violin music when viewing this? I didn’t think so. Also there are roaches, and you know how I feel about them. And mice. And possibly rats, and my mother told me a harrowing story of rats chewing off newborn’s fingers, and oh my God, call the exterminator! Now! Call him! And there is plenty of just…grime, I guess you would call it. And NO ONE WILL LET ME PAINT! So instead I scrub baseboards with vinegar water and a toothbrush, practice finding a happy place when encountered with any ookiness, and focus on good facts. Like how ONE of the countertops in the kitchen is wider than the WALKWAY of my entire apartment kitchen. And then I find a happy place again when this reminds me that NOTHING in the apartment is packed and we are moving NEXT WEEKEND.

Item Number Four:

Reports! Due! Go write them now! Stop blogging or brushing your teeth and go write them!

Actually, I have a lot more done ahead of time than I ever had before, and I’m not in terrible shape, deadline-wise. Last time I had to write these, I remember crying hysterically, they were TOO HARD and I didn’t feel good and POR QUE??? I realized after getting a large portion of them done this time, that I was pregnant then and didn’t know it. So I’m better this time.

 

Item Number Five (and these aren’t really accurate numbers, but shut up):

I’m pregnant. Almost six months along. My mood swings are a bit slower and steader, my back hurts, Ariel is kicking me ALL THE TIME but not if someone else tries to feel. Coy little minx! I’m not as freaked out, most of the time, and still occasionally forget that I’m pregnant. Am still not at my pre-pregnancy weight, but slightly closer. The midwife wants me eating 60 grams of protein a day, which seems IMPOSSIBLE. Snacks, she says. Frequent snacks. Well, I teach all day. That means I’m talking. All day. Which is hard to do while eating. But I have been forced to break out some maternity clothes… they just don’t fit me anywhere but my belly. I’m still in regular jeans, I just need longer shirts to cover the baby bump.

 

Item Number Six:

We’ve never watched Lost before. So we rented the first season on DVD. Being responsible adults, we may or may not have stayed up until FIVE AM to finish the last disk on Friday night. Because clearly, this is high-priority stuff right now.