Hello Baby! September 28, 2008

Today I am planning to spend some time going through the scary extra bedroom (no longer a cute, organized office, it has become a dumping ground for the piles of baby paraphernalia that people give us) and separating the baby clothes by gender and washing them. Yesterday, I spent a good amount of time making baby registries and obsessing because the crib set/nursery decor that I spent HOURS choosing is now discontinued. Which means that I have to run around to different Babies R Us stores grabbing the last bits of it and BUYING IT MYSELF. Crib sets are EXPENSIVE! That is why people put them on registries! And Friday afternoon was spent wandering around various baby stores and having panic attacks in the car.

 

Because? Because we went to our sonogram appointment on Friday morning! And found out the gender of the baby! And it’s a girl!

 

So now I get to start really getting ready for this baby. Which is good, because I am HALFWAY DONE, people.

Also, I am terrified out of my mind.

I have always planned to have a boy first, although I never gave much thought as to why I planned that. I’m not having gender disappointment now, but I did have to spend a few hours of tearful soul-searching. I am absolutely scared of having a girl for the following reasons:

• It is really hard to be a girl.
• Mother-daughter relationships are sticky and confusing and difficult.
• Maybe she will hate me.
• I come from a predominantly female family, with a lot of absentee males. So if I had a boy, at least the mistakes I will inevitably make will be NEW mistakes, all my own! And not the cyclical insanity of many generations. Which leads us to-
• Maybe I will heap all of my baggage on her.
• Maybe I will just completely and totally screw this up.
• Maybe she, in some spooky fetus awareness, KNOWS I would be more comfortable if she was a boy. In which case I am ALREADY completely and totally screwing this up.

 

Fortunately, after I realized that all of these fears were floating around near the surface of my subconscious, and cried a good bit, and talked to Joey, I feel a thousand times better. Joey helpfully pointed out that since he will BE HERE, PARENTING LIKE A TEAM, this will be a fresh start anyhow. Because that is for sure a new thing in my family history. And on top of that, I am always more comfortable addressing fears and issues once I have identified them.

 

So. I get a little girl!!!!! Who will be adorable and smooshable and fiesty, and maybe even have a chance to be confident and have a real self-esteem!!!! And I get to buy delicious PINK THINGS!!! And I am bound and determined to have this nursery waiting for her:

 

 

Except for the green chair, which I kind of hate. But I bought the nightlight and the basket last night, and they put the LAST cribset on hold for me until payday. Because do you know how long it took for me to pick this? And now I have all these plans? So if I have to track things down on eBay I will.

 

And I’m not projecting with that whole ’she will be fiesty’ thing. We spent an hour at the sonogram place, and then went directly to the birth center. Both places, the people had to chase the child around my uterus, commenting on how active she is. Which yes, I KNOW. She kicks me ALL THE TIME. She also has exceptionally long leg bones, which is not exactly a surprise, given her parents. The midwife started to refer to her as a ‘little guppy’ because she was zooming around so quickly. And I didn’t even have any caffeine! I swear! Also, I have gained NO weight yet, and am under strict orders to eat protein,  LOTS AND LOTS OF PROTEIN.

 

And the baby needs her alias, but Guppy isn’t going to cut it. Instead, I’m going with Ariel. Because it’s close to her real name, and while I won’t be comparing my daughter to a fish, a mermaid is more acceptable.

 

 

 

 

Hi Ariel! I’m going to try REALLY hard not to make you insane! Because I already love you sooooo much!