Rainy-Day Randomness September 13, 2008

I’m holed up in our apartment today, wearing my jammies, drinking DECAF coffee out of a huge mug, and fighting Maya for ownership of the comfy computer chair. Ike is just about upon us, but no longer in the mood to crack some skulls and take some names. Joey is out running some errands, but calls every hour or so to check on me and caution me about the impending GALE FORCE WINDS. So far, its just rainy, and I’m feeling guilty for the occasional thought of how nice it is to be snuggled up indoors on a rainy Saturday. You know, because of the horrible destruction of Galveston and Houston and other such places.

 

I woke up a LOT last night with horrible leg cramps. I only get those when I’m dehydrated, so drinking all of this coffee is a stupid idea, isn’t it? The first time this happened to me, a few weeks ago, it hurt so bad that I woke Joey up, crying and curled up in a ball. athlete that he is, he promptly grabbed my leg and stretched my foot out. And then explained to me how I MUST stretch out a cramping muscle or it will never feel better. And then I went out and bought a bunch of electrolyte water the next day, all the while wondering if I shouldn’t rethink this whole natural childbirth thing. Since that was just my LEG for a few minutes, and it made me cry. So how will I do when it is another part of my body entirely, for HOURS ON END?? Anyway, I was able to stretch out my cramping leg muscle properly every time last night, without waking my husband, and also ended up watching the progression of Ike every few hours, all night. I get creeped out and sad, thinking of how I was in Houston not too long ago, and now all those people and buildings are hurt and changed.

 

I am also cranky because I’m fighting a cold. Because I can’t take Airborne! And I thought I could take my mamma’s Super Amazing Pommegranate Supplement Juice of Awesomeness, and did, until I Googled all the ingredients. Two of them are not recommended during pregnancy. Crap. Obsessive Lysoling and mandatory hand sanitizing are the only things now standing between me and an angry mob of middle school germs. And clearly, they are not working.

I just took a Mucinex DM (because that’s okay during pregnancy, right? RIGHT??) even though I’d like to boycott it based on it’s revolting commercials. I also just tidied up the apartment while halfway watching a Project Runway marathon. Although it may be more accurate to say I just halfway tidied up the apartment while watching a Project Runway marathon. Technically.

 

I also made and consumed my guilty, no nutritional value whatsover, only to be partaken of while no one else is around to see, snack. What is it? Nothing more than flour and Crisco, mixed together and baked. I discovered this snack when I was twelve, enjoying swipes of the residue left on a baking pan that had been greased and floured, then used to make bannana nut bread in. It is truly revolting and embarassing. What’s worse is when Joey comes home and smells something ‘cooking’. “Ooh, did you BAKE? What is it?” He’ll ask, excitedly. Joey is very proud of having a wife who can BAKE. “She’s a really good cook,” he’ll tell people. “And she can BAKE, too.” And then I have to confess to him that I am Truly Weird. But I’ll blame this time on the fact that we have no food in the apartment, none at all. We don’t even have toilet paper. Not that I would eat that! I’m not THAT weird!

 

I am, however, weird enough to call my mother at ten thirty at night and beg and plead for her to bring over some toilet paper RIGHT AWAY, it’s an EMERGENCY and I’m PREGNANT. And she was weird enough drop everything and bring me the toilet paper.

 

OMG! The baby just moved, and Joey was able to feel it! I was sitting at the computer (obviously) with my knees pulled up to my chest, and I felt it start…doing something. Not kicking me, although I have been feeling that for a few weeks now. I have! The midwife said I wasn’t, but I WAS! People also said I couldn’t possibly have morning sickness the same week we concieved, but I DID. I just do things early, okay? Anyway, this wasn’t kicking… it felt like the baby was rolling around, or doing a sommersault, or possibly trying to push my legs out of the way because YOU ARE CROWDING ME, MOM! I NEED MY SPACE! Because after all, it is related to me. And I took a second to register that, hey that’s the baby moving. And also, weird, there’s a baby in there, moving around and stuff. And then I yelled for Joey, who had just returned and was escaping the Project Runway marathon by watching ESPN in the bedroom. And he got in here in time to totally feel the baby moving FROM THE OUTSIDE. He even re-created the weird motion on my arm, so I believe him that he really felt it. Then we had a “Can you believe that we’re going to be parents?” moment and gazed deeply into each others eyes. And then I ruined the moment by leaping up to pee. Because people, when the urge hits, it hits quick fast and in a hurry! And then, no, I would not lay down and cuddle with him, because I was in the middle of BLOGGING. And I had things left to write! Although I cannot remember any of my transitions now. So, in no particular order:

 

I paid thirty dollars (money which would have been better spent on toilet paper, clearly) to get a pedicure before school started. Which was not long ago at all. And yet? A quarter of the pretty polish has already chipped off my right big toe. I am not pleased, not I am not.

 

Maya looks like a weirdo, because Joey and I had to shave a ton of matts off her back and rear area. Maybe I should, like brush her or something. Because do you know what taking clippers to a crazed feline entails? I had to wrap her front half in a towel and then twist my arms and legs like a pretzel around her to keep her still. And I was worried the whole time that I was suffocating her, which was an irrational fear since she was busy making unholy noises without ceasing. Joey suggested we change her name to Damien, and I can’t say he was far off. She either sounded like demon-spawn or a very unhappy cow. Meanwhile, Joey was laboring away to clip most of her back, her rump, the backs of her hind legs, and part of her tail. Which took a while, because it was pretty much just solid matted hair. He wanted to finish the job and clip all of her, but I declined… I was very traumatized, and the matted parts alone took over thirty minutes. Maya, however, did not hold a grudge. The minute we released her (with me skittering away in case she wanted some revenge) she was perfectly fine. Although she did spend the next day refusing to walk around AT ALL, because she was so thrown off-balance.

 

The other night, Joey got frustrated with Maya’s insistence on pooping on the floor. Even though he JUST CLEANED the litter box, she refuses to go anywhere but the floor right next to it. And I think she knew that he was not pleased with her, because she ran and ran from him, all around the apartment. And I just sat and watched while my 6′3 husband dove across the floor in an attempt to grab the cat. And split, effectively ruining, a brand new pair of Dockers. And I really didn’t feel sorry for either one of them.