Hello Baby! September 28, 2008

Today I am planning to spend some time going through the scary extra bedroom (no longer a cute, organized office, it has become a dumping ground for the piles of baby paraphernalia that people give us) and separating the baby clothes by gender and washing them. Yesterday, I spent a good amount of time making baby registries and obsessing because the crib set/nursery decor that I spent HOURS choosing is now discontinued. Which means that I have to run around to different Babies R Us stores grabbing the last bits of it and BUYING IT MYSELF. Crib sets are EXPENSIVE! That is why people put them on registries! And Friday afternoon was spent wandering around various baby stores and having panic attacks in the car.

 

Because? Because we went to our sonogram appointment on Friday morning! And found out the gender of the baby! And it’s a girl!

 

So now I get to start really getting ready for this baby. Which is good, because I am HALFWAY DONE, people.

Also, I am terrified out of my mind.

I have always planned to have a boy first, although I never gave much thought as to why I planned that. I’m not having gender disappointment now, but I did have to spend a few hours of tearful soul-searching. I am absolutely scared of having a girl for the following reasons:

• It is really hard to be a girl.
• Mother-daughter relationships are sticky and confusing and difficult.
• Maybe she will hate me.
• I come from a predominantly female family, with a lot of absentee males. So if I had a boy, at least the mistakes I will inevitably make will be NEW mistakes, all my own! And not the cyclical insanity of many generations. Which leads us to-
• Maybe I will heap all of my baggage on her.
• Maybe I will just completely and totally screw this up.
• Maybe she, in some spooky fetus awareness, KNOWS I would be more comfortable if she was a boy. In which case I am ALREADY completely and totally screwing this up.

 

Fortunately, after I realized that all of these fears were floating around near the surface of my subconscious, and cried a good bit, and talked to Joey, I feel a thousand times better. Joey helpfully pointed out that since he will BE HERE, PARENTING LIKE A TEAM, this will be a fresh start anyhow. Because that is for sure a new thing in my family history. And on top of that, I am always more comfortable addressing fears and issues once I have identified them.

 

So. I get a little girl!!!!! Who will be adorable and smooshable and fiesty, and maybe even have a chance to be confident and have a real self-esteem!!!! And I get to buy delicious PINK THINGS!!! And I am bound and determined to have this nursery waiting for her:

 

 

Except for the green chair, which I kind of hate. But I bought the nightlight and the basket last night, and they put the LAST cribset on hold for me until payday. Because do you know how long it took for me to pick this? And now I have all these plans? So if I have to track things down on eBay I will.

 

And I’m not projecting with that whole ’she will be fiesty’ thing. We spent an hour at the sonogram place, and then went directly to the birth center. Both places, the people had to chase the child around my uterus, commenting on how active she is. Which yes, I KNOW. She kicks me ALL THE TIME. She also has exceptionally long leg bones, which is not exactly a surprise, given her parents. The midwife started to refer to her as a ‘little guppy’ because she was zooming around so quickly. And I didn’t even have any caffeine! I swear! Also, I have gained NO weight yet, and am under strict orders to eat protein,  LOTS AND LOTS OF PROTEIN.

 

And the baby needs her alias, but Guppy isn’t going to cut it. Instead, I’m going with Ariel. Because it’s close to her real name, and while I won’t be comparing my daughter to a fish, a mermaid is more acceptable.

 

 

 

 

Hi Ariel! I’m going to try REALLY hard not to make you insane! Because I already love you sooooo much!

Rainy-Day Randomness September 13, 2008

I’m holed up in our apartment today, wearing my jammies, drinking DECAF coffee out of a huge mug, and fighting Maya for ownership of the comfy computer chair. Ike is just about upon us, but no longer in the mood to crack some skulls and take some names. Joey is out running some errands, but calls every hour or so to check on me and caution me about the impending GALE FORCE WINDS. So far, its just rainy, and I’m feeling guilty for the occasional thought of how nice it is to be snuggled up indoors on a rainy Saturday. You know, because of the horrible destruction of Galveston and Houston and other such places.

 

I woke up a LOT last night with horrible leg cramps. I only get those when I’m dehydrated, so drinking all of this coffee is a stupid idea, isn’t it? The first time this happened to me, a few weeks ago, it hurt so bad that I woke Joey up, crying and curled up in a ball. athlete that he is, he promptly grabbed my leg and stretched my foot out. And then explained to me how I MUST stretch out a cramping muscle or it will never feel better. And then I went out and bought a bunch of electrolyte water the next day, all the while wondering if I shouldn’t rethink this whole natural childbirth thing. Since that was just my LEG for a few minutes, and it made me cry. So how will I do when it is another part of my body entirely, for HOURS ON END?? Anyway, I was able to stretch out my cramping leg muscle properly every time last night, without waking my husband, and also ended up watching the progression of Ike every few hours, all night. I get creeped out and sad, thinking of how I was in Houston not too long ago, and now all those people and buildings are hurt and changed.

 

I am also cranky because I’m fighting a cold. Because I can’t take Airborne! And I thought I could take my mamma’s Super Amazing Pommegranate Supplement Juice of Awesomeness, and did, until I Googled all the ingredients. Two of them are not recommended during pregnancy. Crap. Obsessive Lysoling and mandatory hand sanitizing are the only things now standing between me and an angry mob of middle school germs. And clearly, they are not working.

I just took a Mucinex DM (because that’s okay during pregnancy, right? RIGHT??) even though I’d like to boycott it based on it’s revolting commercials. I also just tidied up the apartment while halfway watching a Project Runway marathon. Although it may be more accurate to say I just halfway tidied up the apartment while watching a Project Runway marathon. Technically.

 

I also made and consumed my guilty, no nutritional value whatsover, only to be partaken of while no one else is around to see, snack. What is it? Nothing more than flour and Crisco, mixed together and baked. I discovered this snack when I was twelve, enjoying swipes of the residue left on a baking pan that had been greased and floured, then used to make bannana nut bread in. It is truly revolting and embarassing. What’s worse is when Joey comes home and smells something ‘cooking’. “Ooh, did you BAKE? What is it?” He’ll ask, excitedly. Joey is very proud of having a wife who can BAKE. “She’s a really good cook,” he’ll tell people. “And she can BAKE, too.” And then I have to confess to him that I am Truly Weird. But I’ll blame this time on the fact that we have no food in the apartment, none at all. We don’t even have toilet paper. Not that I would eat that! I’m not THAT weird!

 

I am, however, weird enough to call my mother at ten thirty at night and beg and plead for her to bring over some toilet paper RIGHT AWAY, it’s an EMERGENCY and I’m PREGNANT. And she was weird enough drop everything and bring me the toilet paper.

 

OMG! The baby just moved, and Joey was able to feel it! I was sitting at the computer (obviously) with my knees pulled up to my chest, and I felt it start…doing something. Not kicking me, although I have been feeling that for a few weeks now. I have! The midwife said I wasn’t, but I WAS! People also said I couldn’t possibly have morning sickness the same week we concieved, but I DID. I just do things early, okay? Anyway, this wasn’t kicking… it felt like the baby was rolling around, or doing a sommersault, or possibly trying to push my legs out of the way because YOU ARE CROWDING ME, MOM! I NEED MY SPACE! Because after all, it is related to me. And I took a second to register that, hey that’s the baby moving. And also, weird, there’s a baby in there, moving around and stuff. And then I yelled for Joey, who had just returned and was escaping the Project Runway marathon by watching ESPN in the bedroom. And he got in here in time to totally feel the baby moving FROM THE OUTSIDE. He even re-created the weird motion on my arm, so I believe him that he really felt it. Then we had a “Can you believe that we’re going to be parents?” moment and gazed deeply into each others eyes. And then I ruined the moment by leaping up to pee. Because people, when the urge hits, it hits quick fast and in a hurry! And then, no, I would not lay down and cuddle with him, because I was in the middle of BLOGGING. And I had things left to write! Although I cannot remember any of my transitions now. So, in no particular order:

 

I paid thirty dollars (money which would have been better spent on toilet paper, clearly) to get a pedicure before school started. Which was not long ago at all. And yet? A quarter of the pretty polish has already chipped off my right big toe. I am not pleased, not I am not.

 

Maya looks like a weirdo, because Joey and I had to shave a ton of matts off her back and rear area. Maybe I should, like brush her or something. Because do you know what taking clippers to a crazed feline entails? I had to wrap her front half in a towel and then twist my arms and legs like a pretzel around her to keep her still. And I was worried the whole time that I was suffocating her, which was an irrational fear since she was busy making unholy noises without ceasing. Joey suggested we change her name to Damien, and I can’t say he was far off. She either sounded like demon-spawn or a very unhappy cow. Meanwhile, Joey was laboring away to clip most of her back, her rump, the backs of her hind legs, and part of her tail. Which took a while, because it was pretty much just solid matted hair. He wanted to finish the job and clip all of her, but I declined… I was very traumatized, and the matted parts alone took over thirty minutes. Maya, however, did not hold a grudge. The minute we released her (with me skittering away in case she wanted some revenge) she was perfectly fine. Although she did spend the next day refusing to walk around AT ALL, because she was so thrown off-balance.

 

The other night, Joey got frustrated with Maya’s insistence on pooping on the floor. Even though he JUST CLEANED the litter box, she refuses to go anywhere but the floor right next to it. And I think she knew that he was not pleased with her, because she ran and ran from him, all around the apartment. And I just sat and watched while my 6′3 husband dove across the floor in an attempt to grab the cat. And split, effectively ruining, a brand new pair of Dockers. And I really didn’t feel sorry for either one of them.

No Rest For The Weary September 3, 2008

Yesterday I took a day ‘off’. By off, I mean that I didn’t go work on my classroom or anything, but instead cleaned the apartment, did the laundry, went grocery shopping, etc. I was completely exhausted by the end of the day (which came quite a bit later than I had planned!) but it felt WONDERFUL to get things really in order around here. I cleaned this apartment like nobodies business. I washed WINDOWS, people. I cleaned my husband’s bathroom. I even made a meal ahead of time so I could have something delicious to quickly heat up tonight. Which, it turns out, is a really good idea.

 

But the apartment was so messy! I don’t think the whole place has been truly Cleaned in four months or so. Portions have been made tolerably presentable from time to time, but… yeah. I encountered horrors of which I shall never speak. Also, a thick coating of cat hair on EVERYTHING, which was so plentiful that I knit a new cat. One who does not poop on the floor.

 

But the real highlight of my day? My mamma and Scout came over to drop something off or pick something up, or something like that. And I took the opportunity to sit down and rest for a few minutes while chatting, since I like to pretend that I am a responsible Gestating Person. While we chatted, Scout was playing with Maya, teasing her with my keys. Oh! That’s what it was! They were dropping off my keys! Anyway. In the parking lot downstairs, a car alarm starts to go off. And keeps on going off. And wow, it’s really hard to talk with that thing making so much noise, I can’t believe it’s still going off, SOMEONE should be dealing with their car, people are so RUDE, Joey is trying to take a much-needed NAP for crying out loud…

 

And then it stopped. And about three minutes later, it started again. And not much longer after that, Joey burst out of the bedroom with an irate expression, demanding to know WHO was trying to break into our car. Because Oh yes! That was OUR car alarm going off incessantly.  He stomped downstairs, and I was feeling pretty sorry for whatever car thief/ prankster adolescent was waiting for him.

 

Then I glanced over at Scout, who was dangling my keys in Maya’s face, holding them by the car fob thingy.

 

Turns out, she had managed to pop the trunk, too.