Search Engines Run Amok. Amok! Amok! Amok! August 21, 2008

I was about to write a short post about how moody and crabby I am today (also yesterday and the day before, etc.) and how I’ve probably guaranteed that my baby will be born surly and mean, what with all the hateful thoughts I have been thinking at everyone. Except for Joey, because I say them (mostly) out loud to him. And how I have soooooo much to do, and it is sooooo late and I have to get up soooooo early. But I can’t go to bed, no, because I must wait for a load of laundry to cycle through. Because it has sat mildewing for an unforgivable length of time, and must be attended to NOW.

 

But I happened to locate the link to search terms that have brought people here to my blog. And I happened to read all of them. And they happened to be…really weird. What the heck, Internet? But it was amusing, and we’re going to take advantage of this upswing in my Pregnant Hormone Roller Coaster of Doom.

So. Here are some of the more interesting terms, complete with witty commentary.

 

lucy the valiant: so far, so good. But wait!

skinsuit poop: Oh. My. Lord. FOUR people have searched this term! Probably more now that I’ve come out and said it here. Erm, if such a search has brought you here, please take a moment to feel judged. Because you are weird. A lot. Also, Search Engines: Why? How? I have never even CONCEIVED of such a term before just now, let alone blogged it.

victorian school days: Ah yes, those idyllic days. That, again, I never write about.

“diva brat”: Guilty as charged

colin firth: at least it has nothing to do with his sexual orientation

steak: there are a LOT of variations on this theme, and I can’t be bothered to rewrite all of them. Suffice it to say this includes ‘big steak’ , ‘pictures of steak’, ’steak is it good for pregnancy’ and many more. One post, and suddenly you get labeled as a steak blog. Don’t box me in with your categories, people. I am a free spirited blogger! I will not be restricted! Although, steak…yummm..

cool police pics: Where?

lucy’s blog lease lost cry’ : I WOULD cry if I lost my lease. And I would blog about it, too! You know me so well, Google.

valiant r type for sale: Is this a thing like a car we’re talking about? I know there’s a car called a Triumph. Or a personality type. Like, you can be a Type A, I know that. Maybe you can be a valiant Type R. Only, you should probably develop this within yourself, rather than trying to buy it on the Internet.

“maya” “cat” : OMG, someone is stalking my cat!

don’t make me go ghetto on your ass: Because I say this. All the time. Or at least, I will after I tell Joey that someone found my blog by searching this phrase.

just to be safe:  Baby, you have to give the nice Internet a little more information than that. Just a smidgeon.

hearing baby’s heartbeat at midwife appt: A term actually related to something I wrote about! I was about to give up all hope!

lucy the valiant blog: OMG someone is stalking my blog! Oh wait, we like that. We call those people ‘readers’. We get one or two every few years around here.

child star ‘the valiant’: children in Hollywood are now so exploited as to have NO NAMES whatsoever, simply descriptive titles. ‘the valiant’ co-starred in several movies with ‘the bratty’, ‘the adorable’, and ‘the vaguely creepy’. Watch the E! Hollywood Story to find out where they are today!

a badass: If I have to take ‘diva brat’, I’m going to claim this one as well. Although it is only accurate if my Hulk of a husband happens to be nearby, so it probably shouldn’t count.

catfights declawed: sounds boring, but is probably still illegal.

police outrun: I’m sorry that you found no useful how-to guide on this here, if that’s what you meant. Alternately, yes. They generally do.

lame cat after declaw: eh, this particular cat was pretty lame BEFORE declaw as well. Not much has changed.

 

 

Now admit it. You are enjoying a much better mood after that, too! Skinsuit poop!