The washine machine came! It works! Is shiny! I have done four loads of laundry already, and while folding the third load I realized why I am so disproportionately happy about this piece of household machinery. It is because the last time I lived somewhere that I could do laundry without carrying the laundry somewhere else? That would be before I went to college. So yeah, a while. Look! No desperate scrounging for quarters! No carrying heavy laundry baskets! Whee.
Fascinating, I know.
Joey took me to see Beauty And The Beast last night, at a local performing arts school. Poor Joey, who hates musical theater with a lively passion! And happy me, who loves Beauty And The Beast with a slightly livelier passion! It went a little something like this:
Joey: Seats. Too. Small. For. My. Massive. Manly. Shoulders.
Lucy: How am I so short? Cannot see half of the stage!
Person in Front of Lucy: I have a strangely large head, and will taunt you by leaning it in many different directions, just when you think you have found a good angle at which to see half of the stage.
Person next to Joey: Stranger! In my bubble! Help! My personal space is being invaded!
Lucy: I know this can’t be right, but whatever that is up there with the lights? Looks so much like a duck.
Joey: That IS a duck
Lucy: Really? I’m not just crazy?
Joey: I didn’t say that.
Lucy: But WHY is it a duck? This will bother me all night! Is it some theater superstition? Like, its a lucky duck?
Joey: Do they hunt in this play at all, maybe?
Lucy: Yes! Okay! Gaston shoots a duck right at the beginning! Life makes sense!
Joey: Bask in my smartness a little now.
Duck: *hangs there happlessly*
Lucy: Finally! Play is starting! Happiness at all the people singing their songs!
Belle: I am adorable! And have good voice! Except for that note. Pretend you didn’t hear that, and I will look extra adorable!
Gaston: I am a great actor! So much charisma! But cannot sing these manly barritone songs properly. You forgive me, because I am so good at being so bad.
Maurice: *Frightens Lucy a little*
Beast: I have a beautiful voice! I make you cry a little! But am very cheesy actor, with my flailing about dramatically and all.
Lumiere: I am so funny! How is my voice so fabulously French and gay, whilst I chase after females? I do not know!
Mrs. Potts: My voice is better than anyone elses!
Chip: I am a girl playing a boy’s role! Whoops! I will be a very cute little disembodied head who says cute squeaky things.
Lucy: I am so happy! Oh the bliss! If only I could see without getting this blinding headache from stretching like so.
Joey: MORE singing? How is this possible? Am so proving my undying love to this woman right now.
Play: *ends*
Lucy and Joey: Clapping! Clap, Clap, Clap! Woot! Let us go now to IHOP.
LATER, AT HOME:
Lucy: *Sings melifluously* Look there he goes, Isn’t he dreamy? Monsieur Gaston, Oh he’s so cute! Be still my heart, I’m hardly breathing! He’s such a tall, dark, strong and handsome brute!
Joey: *looks pained*
Lucy: Fine, I will stop with the singing now.
Joey: Oh, thank you babe.
Lucy: So the completely wrong answer, you silly man.
Joey: I mean, I LOVE your beautiful VOICE honey. No, I really do! Ack.
Lucy: *pouts* I can see that we will share all that love implies! We will be a perfect pair, rather like my thighs! Okay, I’m really done now.
Our cat, Maya: You were gone too long, people! To exact my revenge, I have POOPED! Mere inches away from the semi-clean litter box! That will teach you to ever leave me, ever again!
Joey: I will smoosh your face in the poo a little now, you cat, you.
Maya: Poop. Got. In. My. Mouth. A. Little. Can’t. Be. Good. Blech.
THE END
Except: How come when I did a Google image search for “beauty and the beast” I found multiple pictures of very, very large naked women riding motorcycles? MY EYES! MY EYES!
